It started when I was 4
My trauma bursting through the door
Then at 5 I got night terrors
But was locked out of my parents chambers
I couldn’t sleep and constantly cried
Behind closed doors so no one could spy
I never knew which mood I would get,
From either of my parents when I was 8
At 9 I wanted to be divine but also leave this world far behind
At 10 I was gaslit, a scapegoat, belittled, and my parents were mean, but I didn’t want to cause a scene
At 13 I didn’t get to be a teen because I had to help take care of my baby sister
At 15 I noticed I had an emotionally vacant mother and an absent father who could not show love for each other
At 16 I noticed my parents used alcohol to numb their pain, and I refused to do the same
At 17 I was sexually assaulted so school then also made me felt discarded
At 18 my parents pushed me to be a doctor because their status would’ve gone to shame
At 19 I got depressed and dropped out of college constantly thinking that I failed myself and was never acknowledged
At 20 I started medications and therapy and began to process some trauma early
At 22 my dad left his family and so I had to be the therapist and make sure people didn’t worry
At 23 I lost my dog, the only family member who knew how to console
At 24 I met a guy who was going to be forever in my life
At 25 times felt great, until I realized my parents hadn't changed
At 26 I got depressed, and didn’t understand because I was taking my meds and still regressed
At 28 I realized
That I never truly processed my trauma because
I didn’t want to
feel
all
of
this
pain
-Raveena Kay